I went from being an asocial prick to a somewhat more social prick after taking a one-day course in “emotional intelligence.”

I couldn’t believe how simple it was. I’ll tell you the main tricks here so you don’t have to waste a day in class:

Be ugly. Nobody wants to know that you are beautiful and smart and doing great in life. We root for underdogs.

Learn to tell a good story. They don’t teach you this at school. Hint: summing up facts does not a story make.

Good stories create expectation. Tension, then something unexpected. -1 to 1. Bad stories are always 0.

Be here. People notice when you’re thinking about the past or future.

Find joy in small, dumb things. These turn out to be the big things. Be curious about the world around you. Don’t overspecialise. Zoom out once in a while.

Laugh more. Don’t take yourself so serious. Sleep deprivation helps.

Boring moments don’t have to be boring. Waiting in line becomes I spy with my little eye. A tennis ball makes everything a target. A ride in the tube becomes a balancing game.

If you can’t be generous with your time, then be generous with your words.

We get annoyed when you don’t answer immediately. We’re smartphone addicts, too. We know you saw the message.

Conversely, don’t be clingy.

We are all weird. Our subconsciousness makes decisions, and we fabricate logical stories after the fact to appear consistent. We’re not consistent. Forgive people when they’re being stupid. Don’t criticise.

It’s always about them. Ask genuine questions.

Leave voice messages. It’s more intimate than texting but you don’t hold the other person hostage like with calling. Face to face is still best.

Every once in a while, go through your contacts and take initiative to say hi. Nothing fancy.

Broadcast your life through social media if so inclined. Don’t look at the number of likes. Don’t humblebrag. Show both good and bad.

That’s it. You just learned 80% of the rules of charisma. You’re welcome.

(Sorry Scott)