I’m going to keep this list short and sweet. But remember: these tips will only work if you actually implement them in your daily life. Don’t be the dumbass who reads for hours and hours and doesn’t remember anything. As in life, action is key.
Promise me now you’ll not just go sit in front of the tv watching loser series after reading this. Yes, I’m talking The Big Bang Theory. And no Reddit. Especially r/wtf. That shit creeps me out.
1) “I Know You’d Do The Same For Me”
Any time you did something to help another person and they say “thanks”, use this magical phrase. It reminds them of what a wonderful being you are for helping them out plus it puts them in a certain state of mind of reciprocity. Their mind is now yelling at them to give something back.
A friend of mine once ran out of condoms and his girlfriend was coming over later that day. I gave him one and told him “I know you’d do the same for me man”. A few hours later he actually burst into my room and told me “If you need some help with your thesis, I found this and this resource which might help you” . He actually researched some stuff concerning my thesis and helped me out without me asking, without any external trigger.
2) “Have a great day”
The easiest hack in the world. End your real life conversations and emails with this simple statement. Add extra emphasis by adding “Make it count” *Smile*. If you practice this a bit and make it seem really genuine and not some standard end of conversation, people will notice and will feel like you actually want them to have a great day. They’ll feel better because they get the feeling someone actually cares about them and their day, and you’ll feel better because you actually care about them. Win-Win right there.
I almost always use a variation on this phrase in my emails (but I make sure not to put it in my email signature because I don’t want people to think it’s a generic, standard text). The phrase I use is something along the lines of “Make this your best day ever”.
3) “Wow, you have an amazing smile” *Smile*
Admittedly, it does take some practice to make a genuine compliment without it being ridiculously awkward or fake. Make a habit out of complimenting at least one person each day. This doesn’t even have to be someone from the opposite gender. Just be aware of your surroundings and any changes. Most people are completely blind and focused inwards all the fucking time. If you notice that not so attractive, slightly overweight colleague has lost some weight, just tell her she looks amazing. You’ve got nothing to lose here. Practice this skill and make it a habit and it will change your life.
I once told a girl in a bar the most ridiculous compliment I could think of:
“You have amazing buttons on your shirt”
She looked like she just saw Godzilla on Crack entering the bar. Just a complete “What the flying fuck” expression. Admittedly, I’d just met this girl so I was in no position to actually say crazy stuff like that to her.
I just laughed it off. “I’ll come up with a better compliment, just give me some time”. I acted like the ignorant loser while still looking confident. I continued talking to her for a few minutes and then out of nowhere I told her:
“You know, you have the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen on a girl”
I genuinely smiled while I told her that and she was completely smitten.
4) “You know I completely trust you”
First of all, the “You know I …” part can be used at the start of pretty much any sentence. It makes it so much more powerful by emphasizing that the person you’re talking to already knows the information that’s about to follow but you’re going to say it anyway. This implicitly acknowledges the importance of the information – if it’s worth repeating, it must be important.
Secondly, this statement implies complete confidence in the person you’re dealing with. It transfers the burden of responsibility from you as a boss, lover or friend to the other person. In essence, you’re telling this person that it’s his job to get it done and not yours. You’re telling him there will be consequences to the outcome of the job – either positive (gratitude) or negative (loss of trust).
A more implicit variation on this is “I’m sure you’ll make it work”.
5) Make a Habit out of Taking Initiative
I know a lot of people who are not very good at taking initiative. They don’t really call you back, they don’t text you back right away. They certainly don’t call you for a chat. They wait for you to say Hi when they see you on the street. And if you don’t say Hi, they’ll just act like they didn’t see you. Basically, they don’t have their shit together and are losing friends by the minute. How do I know this? Because I’m one of these people. I’m not a bad person. I’m actually pretty fun to talk to. I do have very good friends. But I’m shit at taking initiative.
One simple hack I found works miracles is simply taking 30 minutes each day to actively take initiative. Use a habit building tool like Don’t Break the Chain or Habit Streak and just use this time each day to call long lost friends, send texts to people you’ve lost contact with or even simply chat with them on Facebook or Twitter. If this seems a bit daunting, start with a simple Facebook message saying “Hey, long time no see, what are you up to these days? I’m currently working on …”. Then you can take it from there. Another good way to stay in contact with people you barely know (and frankly, you’re kind of afraid of) like professors, successful entrepreneurs or highly acclaimed people in your field is to just send them a simple message about an interesting (relevant) book or article you came across.
6) Social Proof
This is the most important hack of all. It’s a simple concept, but you can use it to your advantage and it works wonders. Basically, if there are people who like you, this is evidence for other people that you are actually a fun person. So if you’re in a club and you’re standing there alone or with another guy being non-fun, other people will not be inclined to talk to you. If however you are wandering around the club talking to a lot of different people, a lot more people will want to talk to you.
This can be applied in so many situations. It is the main reason why it’s so much easier to talk to new people when you’re having fun with your friends. They’re social proof of you being a fun person. You’re obviously not a creeper.
When you’re talking to someone you want to befriend, it’s a very good sign if a friend of you accidentally walks by and starts talking to you or just says “What’s up man”. This is social proof. “This person must be liked by so many people, because what are the chances of accidentally bumping into one of your friends here”.
Of course, this can be exploited. You could set it up with your friends so it seems like an “accidental” encounter. I don’t recommend this though, there’s plenty of social proof available without resorting to these creepy techniques.
That’s all. Get your ass moving and make something happen today 🙂
“Someone once told me the definition of Hell: The last day you have on Earth, the person you became will meet the person you could have become.” – Anon